Parenting Traps

Every weekend, I teach a kid yoga class at a nearby community center. It's fun, it's high-energy, and a packed morning of 3-5 year olds doing yoga with Mom (or Dad!) Every week, I learn of new parenting styles I wasn't previously aware of. And it's FASCINATING.
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The Helicopter Mom
Hovering over her charge, the Helicopter Mom pulls, pushes, prods, pokes, holds up and scolds her youngster into each and every pose. When doing introductions, the kid barely has time to get out a syllable before the question is repeated: WHAT IS YOUR NAME, ______?
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The AH-64 Apache Mom
AH-64 Apache is the Army's primary attack helicopter. It is a quick-reacting, airborne weapon system that can fight close and deep to destroy, disrupt, or delay enemy forces. 'Nuff said.
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"Hold the Whistle" Mom
These Moms have overactive preschoolers who don't want to sit. Or lay down. Or do the pose. Or listen. But they really want to work on this "autonomy" thing, so they sit back.. for a time.. and let the kids do what they will. Before stepping in to call foul.
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The "Really Want to Hold the Whistle but JUST CAN'T" Mom
These Moms are beside themselves, trying to sit back for a time.. but they JUST CAN'T. They might let 'em try to get into said pose themselves, but more often than not, they're going to reach over and yank the back up, or the legs down. These tend to be the "constant chatter" moms, who are telling their kids what is is they should be doing differently.

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The Sweet Lovin' Mom
These Moms are all love, all the time. Granted, they tend to have the sweetheart kids who do exactly what they are supposed to be doing, most (if not all) of the time. I would like to order one of these children for my next child. Please.
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The "Let 'Em Ride" Mom
I once had a Mom who would leave her child in the room for quite a few minutes while she went to the bathroom (and, I assume, make a few phone calls and perhaps, run a few errands.) The child seemed used to this casual abandonment, so I assumed this was their mother-daughter M.O.

The Creator of Doubt Mom
Sometimes, we go around with cards or animals and the children can choose which pose they want to learn together. The child selects a card and..
"Do you really want to choose that yoga card to do? Wait! Don't you want this one? Do you really want to choose that animal pose? But you like froggies!"

We all do it. Some of the time. Well, maybe that's just me. What kind of style are you?
(P.S. My son loves to show off his yoga poses. I might share one of these days.)

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Asian Yogis Meet the Bachelor

Do you ever notice that just when things are going along quite predictably, upon the same pattern, clippity clop, clippity clop, that you tend to expect the same things, again and again? Maybe to the point of even expecting a non-native English speaker to not, you know, speak English and therefore, not watch English or American television shows? Let alone, American reality shows?


Before I completely bewilder you, and you derail, jump off the tracks and run down the road towards another blog, let me share an example.


I teach a yoga class every Monday morning, to seniors, at a senior center. We live in an extremely ethnically-diverse Metro area, and nearly every one of my senior yogis is a non-native English speaker from a Far Eastern Asian country.. Vietnam. Korea. Japan. Hong Kong, China. (Syria, Bolivia and South Carolina are also represented, as they should be in a properly diverse community.)


Imagine my surprise, then, when I overheard this soundbyte:


"YES! And some are just too immature. You know, to be Moms."

"I like the Canadian."

"There's that one, whats-her-name, that always has all that hair in her face. Move your hair!"

"I really liked the one with the daughter. The sweet little girl. What was her name?"

I slowly turned around, in amazed wonderment. Were two of my many worlds colliding? Could they be? Were they talking about The Bachelor?! I cozied up to them and joined in, adding my two cents of the inanity of a bunch of attractive single girls wanting to SIGN UP to be a nose-wiping, shuttle-driving, board book-reading, high-fivin', dancin' and smilin' short order cooking step- MOM. Every week, never fails, I say aloud to my imprisoned on the couch at 9PM husband, "Really?! Do they have any idea what they are signing up for? No clue. Cancel a date and she's "lucky"? Really?!"


We, my cosmopolitan, reality-TV watching Asian yogis and I, decided Jill was "It". Mature, confident, "ready", intelligent. (Now that he kicked off gorgeous and hilarious Lauren, whom nobody could "get" except me and a bunch of other smart, funny bloggers.)

Now that I've seen tonight's episode, and have had several "Really?!" moments (dove memorial, crazy hat box party..how did that not scare him away?), I have solidified my view that Jillian is the only one remotely aware of what the next stage of life really involves. Party over, girls! Sign up and check out of the bar scene! Well, except Naomi who can head right back there.

And I heard through the blogovine that that isn't really his house. HA!

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Combination List of Random Things on My Mind

Mama Kat's Writing Workshop is one of my favorite blogging games, because it's not just a game. It's a way of life. I write because I like to talk. I talk because I cannot help it. So, by the transitive property of equality.. you do the math. This week, several prompts are challenging. I chose the cop-out prompt. The list.

Though, lists have been getting me into trouble lately. (See having to talk about Ricki Lake.)

4) Write a list of ten things on your mind this week.

1. Why (for goodness' sake, why) did I mention something in a list that I didn't want to admit, describe, remember or go into detail about? Should I tell the Kevin Costner story to make up?
2. Do we really need a new refrigerator?
3. Is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush? What if there are three in the bush? And five more in the shrubbery to the left of the cart path? How much is a bird worth? [This is a serious matter.]*
4. Will my Asian yogis forgive me for having to take my toddler to the doctor instead of teaching them their weekly yoga?
5. If Keynesian economics has never truly been tested, and the Senate agrees on a number between $700B and $900B, then will "negative (public) saving that deficits represent .. largely offset the positive economic effects from addressing the broader set of longer-term saving and investment needs"? **
6. Is it really important how many comments I get on a blog post? [YES.]
7. "Hey. YA-AH. Baby, I got cha number."
8. Should my husband take that job he was offered this morning?
9. I cannot believe we became victims of this economic downturn. Oh wait, yes I can.
10. It's an interesting calculation: how much productive time has been lost in the past week from people completing the "25 Random Things" survey on facebook? Do we all need that much attention from each other? Has anyone not done this yet? Does anyone not know what I'm talking about? Have you been living under a rock (quote from UVA undergrad working at Best Buy when we tried to buy an iPod "mini" end of 2005)?

* See #8
** EconomistMom.com

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Let The Dogs Be Our Guide

This morning, I had a test of my judgemental tendencies. As one of my bloggy friends recently posted, I too am one of those people that secretly judge Parents Who Cannot Control Their Children In Public. My toddler and I teach a class at a nearby kid's gym, Monkey Business, which is great fun and an enormous treat for both of us. This morning, I listened to a Mom's harrowing story of her 3-yr old's complete nuclear meltdown in the middle of a crowded mall, kicking, punching, screaming and all. Her quote was, "I had to carry her out like a log, to prevent her punches from connecting." She was relieved no authorities were called to report a child abduction taking place. It seriously concerned her that they would be.

When I went to obtain my Level 1 Yoga certification with YogaFit, the mantra they indoctrinated in us to keep in mind before every practice was the following:

"Letting go of competition, expectation and judgement."

What an excellent way to live. If we all lived this way, repeating this to ourselves upon entering a dinner party, a fashion show, a blog post, a staff meeting.. well, we can envision the peace.

My dogs live this way. When we returned home from being out, and, come to think of it, every time we return home from being anywhere (including the front yard), my two labs greet us with energy and enthusiasm of which the Democratic National Committee would be envious. This particular morning, my black Lab greeted me with a mach-5 tail speed and presented his stuffed horse. His prized stuffed horse.

He was just that thrilled to see me. No judgement, no "where have you been?", no silent treatment for leaving them to fend for themselves on their plush, comfy, extra-stuffed Large sized personalized Orvis dog beds. Not to put too fine a point on it, but my (human) son has less personalized. Then again, he wasn't left in a cardboard box when he was 2 months old.

Letting go.. there may not be a competition. Reset the expectation. And judgement? Who are we to judge?

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Holiday Yogis

So I teach this yoga class to seniors, every Monday morning, while my 18-mo old is at preschool. It started as a community service gig, and has transcended itself (and me) into something much more personal, more compassionate, and more important. Each week I find myself caring a little more about each of the individual seniors, ranging probably from 60 to 80 years old, each from a varied Asian or Southeast Asian country. Not one can understand me. But there I am, each week, talking my way through the poses and sequences. Worrying about someone fainting.

The first week, I bent down to scratch my ankle, and the class followed.

Today, for a special treat, after I'd taught, I got a round of hugs from the ladies. They wished me happy holidays, happy new year, and a happy toddler throughout. That felt really great.

It made me realize, suddenly, that that might be the way for all of us to "brave" our families through the holidays. Call it spreading a little Zen around. For a lot of my friends, it's the in-laws that set them over the edge.. for me, it's a little closer to home. It's in the genes. Civility and listening just weren't in the DNA.

Hilarious in-law stories are heading my way, certainly, from various parties when the holidays blur into the New Year, and I so look forward to those.. but in the meantime, I'll be thinking of all of them as we dive into the season.. arms first.

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