Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Sands of Time

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, sometimes life is funny. There are ups and there are downs. Everyone has periods of self-pity. Self-doubt. Self-reliance. Periods where it seems like life is easy street and there can be no easier way to live, and periods where it becomes difficult to look past the end of the day. And it cycles back onto itself and repeats. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Time is at such a premium in my life right now, that I cannot think back to a time when I valued a few "free" minutes as much as I do right now. Minutes or hours, or weeks for that matter, seem to flee from me like their lives were in danger. And they are. Those minutes don't stand a chance with babies to feed. And toddlers to entertain with rice and sand soup, which is what my toddler treated me to this afternoon.

I had those free minutes last week, when we were on vacation at the beach. A few, glorious, unadulterated, breathtaking minutes. I think it was around 45, in total. I had many pairs of arms around to help with the various and sundry tasks that are usually mine alone, and I was told to "Just Go" (for a run.) But--what if he gets hungry? (Go) What time is dinner again? (Go) Where did I stick the iPod? (Go!)

And so I went. I ran with a strong tailwind behind me, pushing me, lifting me further and further from my daily obligations, my 2.5-foot high charge and my cherubic, demanding infant. Pushing me further from my origin, my home base, my known quantity. Clear thoughts pushed their way through my foggy, sleep-deprived, career-confused mind as the music grabbed hold of my feet pounding along the sand. I stole glances at the ocean, which seemed simultaneously demanding, and demure.

I thought about the past, major life choices that I made in a 30-second conversation with a co-worker. I thought about mistakes, broken promises to myself, and the New Year's resolution I was just starting by running. I thought about my heart, and what it was telling me, and the future. What was important, and what was not. I thanked God for the Present moment, the ability to recognize the moment for what it was. And I ran.

And at some point, I had to turn around. I had to return from whence I came, and ... I was tired. I headed back, only then realizing how far I had run. Turning around, I was hit by a very strong headwind.

A strong headwind called Reality.

7 comments:

♥ Kathy April 6, 2010 at 7:54 PM  

This is such a beautiful post CDB. I'm glad you had those 45 minutes.

Life with Kaishon April 6, 2010 at 8:11 PM  

Wow. What a great post. I love how you wrote about this. Beautiful. I hope your journey continues and you find peace.

jaime April 7, 2010 at 9:54 AM  

Great post. Glad you got the 45 minutes to just "go!" We can all use time like that!

septembermom April 7, 2010 at 6:46 PM  

Really beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Janna Bee April 8, 2010 at 12:59 PM  

You just named every reason why I run. Love this post.

Emmy April 9, 2010 at 11:21 AM  

Beautifully written. And yes some days I long so much for more free time, more time to myself.. but then I realize with that free time, will mean my kids are in school, they are away where I can't protect them and shelter them as much... so yeah I am trying not to rush it too much :)

Anya April 16, 2010 at 2:05 PM  

Lovely written
thanks for sharing :-)

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